picture via pinterest
THE DEFINITION OF SHADOW WORK:
Shadow work involves getting in touch with the aspects of yourself that you might have repressed.
It’s working on what many refer to as their “dark” or “shadow “ side of themselves, the side of themselves that many keep hidden because it is not as pretty as the traits that make them great.
However, these negative aspects of ourselves can hold us back if we don’t acknowledge them. These aspects can be habits, beliefs, or thinking patterns that sabotage us.
Personally, shadow work helped me uncover subconscious limiting beliefs and habits that played a massive role in my self-development.
It identified the areas I had to improve to become a better version of myself.
Shadow work is an ongoing journey and still allows me to make improvements in my daily life.
HOW CAN IT BENEFIT YOU?
Overall shadow work helps you improve your life and can transform you into the best version of yourself. Discovering subconscious patterns and habits you were not aware of before gives you a clear list of beliefs you can work on.
This leads to long-term improvements in many areas of your life.
Your relationships will grow stronger because you discovered how past relationships with friends, family, and partners have impacted you and how you have been taught to love and behave in relationships. Suppressed emotions will come to the surface but that’s okay, that’s a wonderful thing. Processing and letting yourself fully feel these emotions might lift that burden off your chest.
Not only in relationships but in many other areas it can inspire improvement. For example, it can lead to more confidence in your abilities and how you present yourself to the world.
Working on yourself is a sign of maturity, it improves your overall wellness and sense of self, and provides you with clarity. It lets you understand yourself more and lets you discover depths of yourself that you might not have discovered otherwise.
HOW TO DO SHADOW WORK
There are different ways to do shadow work: with a therapist, encouraging inner dialogue, or talking to someone but my favorite way is journaling about it.
At the base, there is most often a question that starts the process of thinking. I will include many questions later on in this blog post.
Crucial is that you follow your mind wherever it takes you. There should be no structure that disrupts the journey of diving into these shadow parts of yourself.
FIVE IMPORTANT RULES TO BE MINDFUL OF
- Self-compassion
You are a human being and as a human being, we are all flawed. Don’t be ashamed of yourself it is okay to not be perfect. You don’t have to be perfect, nobody is.
Discover these parts of yourself without any shame. Be open to them and don’t beat yourself up over it, try to remain neutral towards those.
Most of us are harder on ourselves than we are on other people, including me. That’s something I need to work on as well, to have as much compassion for myself as I have for other people.
A neutral perspective lets you see these things without wanting them to disappear and hide.
If you have a hard time remaining neutral here’s a tip that I like to use. Imagine you are writing a character.
And what is a character without depth and flaws?
A couple of books or seasons have passed and it’s time for character development. To write it the first step would be identifying flaws and beliefs and how they manifest in the characters’ life.
Perhaps gaining some distance from yourself as a person helps you see yourself more objectively at that moment.
- Honesty
Be honest with yourself. As we discussed there is no shame in who you are as a person and the hidden side of you.
Only by being one hundred percent honest with yourself, you will discover what is holding you back. Only then you will discover who you are without the mask you put on and all the boxes you put yourself in.
- Be mindful of your reaction
Notice how these questions will make you feel. Which feelings do they evoke in you? Sadness? Anger? Shame? Do you don’t have an answer yet? Do they trigger you in some way?
Especially pay attention to those who make you feel the most or deepest emotions which answering. These questions will be the ones you might need to come back on.
- Explore
I touched on this previously but I want to explain it a bit deeper because it is very significant.
Let your thoughts flow, don’t hinder them. You are mid-question and you suddenly remember something else that ties into your answer. Explore that thought.
Things will come up for a reason, these might be things that you might have suppressed before.
Encourage inner dialogue while journaling or even in your day-to-day life. You’d be surprised which hidden conflicts you’ll stumble upon.
- Go back to your childhood
Our childhood formed and molded us in so many different ways. We learned how to live and love here. The relationship with our parents has taught us so many things whether they are good, bad, or most likely both.
The relationship between your parents heavily influenced how you view relationships. You most likely also adapted limiting beliefs, habits, or coping mechanisms.
Here I’m not saying blame your parents because they are also flawed human beings instead identify what you adapted and work with that. (this point excludes abuse)
SHADOW WORK QUESTIONS:
I’ve collected some questions that I came up with as well as some from the internet.
- If you could meet a younger/child version of yourself, what would you tell them?
- What is your safe place? What do you do / Where do you go when you need to feel safe and protected?
- When did you feel unloved/alone in your childhood & early life? What impact does that have on you in your current life?
- If you could talk to the person who hurt you the most right now, what is one thing you would say to them and why?
- What did you enjoy doing when you were younger & do you still do it now? If not, why?
- Do you think asking for help is a strength or a weakness? And why?
- When I think of my future, what am I most afraid of?
- What behaviors do you judge in others most? Is it really justified?
- When do you feel the most uncomfortable? Why do you think you feel that way?
- What is your biggest regret? How does it influence your life now?
- What is one thing you look forward to when you wake up? If nothing comes to your mind, what can you create to look forward to?
- What is a time you needed to hear an apology but didn’t? How did it make you feel?
- Have you been dishonest with yourself or someone? What emotions does this dishonesty bring up for you?
- What do you think are your worst traits and why? Do you have intentions of bettering yourself in these areas?
- The words I need to hear right now…
- Have you internalized your family’s / parents’ judgment and in which way?
- When do you feel proud of yourself? When do you feel confident in your body?
- How does the way others view you affect you? Have you adapted the assumptions they make/made about you?
- Describe the most painful memory of being disappointed in your childhood. Do you expect to be disappointed now because of it?
- Do you tend to feel judged daily? Explore how much of this perceived judgment is real and how much is imagined.
- What are your 10 best traits?
- Are there people in your life that evoke negative emotions in you? How does being around them make you feel?
- Who are you jealous of and why? How can you work towards the things you envy?
- Think of a relationship you walked away from. Why was this a positive life choice?
- What are the triggers you encounter in your everyday life?
- What is the worst thing you’ve done to yourself? Why did you do it? How can you make up for it and show yourself love now?
- Do you blame your parents for anything? If you were to put yourself in their shoes, do their actions make more sense to you?
- What was the hardest thing you had to do? How does it affect you now?
- What are ten things you’re grateful for?
- How do I hold myself back from achieving my goals?
