picture via pinterest
I think we‘re all familiar with the usual glow-up guide that mainly focuses on the physical aspects of becoming prettier so people will like you more. However, I consider, consciously or subconsciously, more aspects beyond the purely physical appearance when determining whether I like a person and wheter I want to spend time with them.
(Quick disclaimer: this is written from my point of view and my observations. Feel free to disagree.)
ONE:
Let‘s start with number one which ties into the physical aspect: looking clean and put together.
A person that looks put together most of the time will get more respect from others because it conveys the message that this person values themselves enough to put effort into their appearance. Taking care of your physical self doesn‘t have to be crazy difficult. All it requires are habits that I call maintenance habits. Habits to build so that maintaining a clean, put-together look becomes a natural part of a routine and I don‘t have to think about it too much.
Habits I implemented are washing my clothes on Sundays so I will have fresh clothes for the upcoming week, taking care of my nails once a week, having a simple but effective skincare routine, and having a hair wash plan and hairstyles for the last day before hair wash day. And let‘s not forget the ‚everything-shower‘ once a week and I also carry around lip balm in my purse, backpack, and car.
Other things to enhance your appearance are wearing jewelry, knowing your color palette (it helped me so much!), and cleaning your shoes frequently.
TWO:
If you want to be respected, put your best effort into every task that is in some form meaningful. Act like you are the most confident person and do the task right (=to the very best of your abilities). Nothing makes me respect a person less than someone not bringing enough energy into an important task.
The way I see it, it‘s like wanting your favorite person to do the best they could to have the best results. So root for yourself. Respect yourself enough to put enough effort into transforming your life for the better.
Having that transformational power is something extremely valuable and respected.
Putting your all into something is not only an indication of success in life but also an indication of healthy friendships. Did you ever enjoy spending time with someone who doesn‘t put energy and effort into a relationship? You text them if they want to hang out, and they say „Yeah, whatever“, you ask what you want to do and where to meet, and they say „idk“.
The older you’ll get the more you realize that without a little effort, your friendships will fade out. Ask them to hang out, make plans, and don‘t always wait for them to reach out.
THREE:
Be a good friend and listener. Make people feel comfortable. Not to manipulate them but to form meaningful connections.
Know how to keep the conversation going, and ask them casual questions about themselves. Most people like to talk about themselves because it‘s something they‘re familiar with. Use little things they say as a starting point to lead the conversation further and ideally after a while away from small talk.
Be compassionate but still truthful. Make people feel seen by being attentive and mindful of those around you. For example, notice when someone’s left behind or cut out of the conversation.
FOUR:
I‘ve said it before and I‘ll say it again: set your goddamn boundaries. I‘ve struggled with it and I still do but I‘ve never regretted expressing my needs and setting a boundary. If you don‘t have clear boundaries there are always people who will take advantage of that and walk all over you.
Express your opinion, say what you think, tell them what lines they can‘t cross, and if they can‘t respect that the second time: let them go. You will gain respect when it‘s clear how you expect others to treat you and you will attract relationships that‘ll serve you. To me, a person with clear boundaries will become more attractive and likable too because they know how to stand up for themselves and tell the world what they don‘t want and therefore are very clear on what they do want.
Similar to boundaries are opinions. I cannot stand people who completely change their opinions once we‘re in a different group of people. Your opinions in a way shape your personality which differentiates you and makes you so special. You‘re allowed to change your opinion but not because of others. You also don‘t have to have an opinion on everything. Take your time to form your thoughts and reflect before judging too early.
In most cases, it‘s not a big deal for friends to have different opinions.
FIVE:
Remember to fix your posture and walk with a sense of purpose.
People with good posture radiate confidence and decisiveness. It‘s a subconscious association with respect and good manners. Furthermore, if you have purpose in your walk it makes you seem assertive and confident like you know exactly what you‘re doing.
SIX:
Be intentional.
Set your intentions, and act on them. Decide who you are and who you want to be, and prove it to yourself with your actions and decisions. A clear self-concept provides clarity and the steps you have to take towards your dream life and the best version of yourself.
My self-concept journal helps with developing that.
One of the most attractive things is when people have a sense of self and know who they are. A strong sense of identity makes you almost unshakeable because you can be confident to know your values and soul. Even though evolving is a part of that equation in my sense of identity it‘s part of who I am: an ever-evolving human being.
